No Ordinary Love

Some people find their "in sickness and in health" at the altar, some find it later in life in a new partner, and some never truly do.  I use to think all of these difficulties with my health had robbed our relationship, which is inevitable in certain ways. Many insecurities manifest in me through all of it, but if this experience has given me anything it's a reminder of how lucky I am to have a real man of his word by my side to help me overcome both the emotional and physical battle. 

It has NOT been easy, for either of us. Menopause, surgery, infertility, cancer, etc.. But he never, ever complains, nor does he try to make any of these major decisions about him. 

He helps ease my pain in moments of hurt and talks me through moments of panic. 

His actions are a constant reminder that everything will be okay, and more importantly, that he is not going anywhere. 

Last night we had a "date night in" on the gyn-oncology floor (woohoo lights out at 9 on a Friday!) He laid in the hospital bed with me and even let me talk him into watching a "soft" movie (that's a rarity even though it may not sound like much.) ☺️

He has done things for me that I never dreamed my 24 year old boyfriend would have to help me do: feeding me sips of water, work on standing up without a walker, assisting me out of bed, making sure I'm safe going to the bathroom, charting my urine output, lifting me back in bed, walking down the hall next to me at turtle pace because I lose my breath with movement... you name it. 

He has seen my lowest of lows and rather than backing out, he steps up even more. 

He has had finals this week and has been up before the sun rises each day just to fit everything in, yet he chooses to sleep in my hospital room even though it means sleeping on a hard chair.  I thank God for giving me a man like Him to walk through this journey along side me. Reminding me of my strengths when I'm weak and holding my hand through the moments when I want to let go. 

While it's not something I ever would have wished for our relationship to endure in our "young love" years, it shows me what kind of partner I have for the long haul and what kind of love this really is. I know that no matter what curveballs life continues to throw, we will always have "us" and we will always find joy in the midst of pain. 

There are many uncertainties in this life, but I am certain of one thing: I will love you and laugh with you for the rest of my days Jeremy Jay. (Just no belly laughing til this incision heals)

Goodbye Ovaries

First I want to say: THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has taken the time to pray, text, message, or call. It has been a rough 24-36 hours and I did not have the energy to respond, but please know you put a big smile on my face and brought peace to my heart. I am extremely lucky to have received such wonderful support! Yesterday was a long and terrifying day initially.

We arrived at the hospital around 12:15, but I didn't go into surgery until 5:00 and was in recovery until 10:20

I was very scared. But I had my team with me, holding my hand and cheering me on every step of the way.  After hours of waiting, "Langel" was announced as I got called back to pre-op. I walked through double doors into what felt like a whole new world. Every part of my body began to shake and tears began to flow like crazy. I honestly almost bailed on the surgery altogether. I've had many procedures done before, but this was way more invasive and way more emotional considering what was being done and removed.

After I decided to continue on with surgery, they had be lay down on the medical table (gown open to the back... we've already been over how I feel about this). 

From there they stuck an access needle into my port, hooked me up to machines, and talked about the details of the open partial hysterectomy. 

Then the word "epidural" was mentioned.... and I lost it. The act of someone putting a catheter into my spine to administer pain medication made my whole body tense up.

It took me quite a while to calm down so the nurse went and got my family to come alongside my bed and help talk me into a more positive frame of mind. 

We cried. We held hands. We prayed. And we praised God for all of His gifts he has given us.

Then came the time to put in the epidural and wheel me into the OR to get the party started.

Next thing I knew I woke up in post op/recovery and noticed the epidural only numbed the top portion of my body and not the lower abdomen/incision. The amount of pain I felt was unlike anything I've ever felt (now I have a reference for what 10 is on the 0-10 pain scale). I was barely awake but I remember them pushing more and more drugs to get the pain down and my body to stop shaking. 

I thought it was going to be impossible to ever move again, and at the exact moment I thought that my nurse said "Okay Jess, let's roll you onto your side." I legitimately thought she was kidding, but sure enough, I rolled to both sides. 

After spending 3-4 hours in recovery, I was transferred to my hospital room around 10:15. I said my goodnights to family one at a time because too much stimulation sent my whole body into spasm.  

 I pretty much felt like a human power strip, haha. I had an IV in my hand, an accessed port in my chest, stuff connected to my legs, a catheter to urinate, and an epidural in my back for pain control.

Today they took the catheter out and have made me get up to walk to the bathroom. I have to use a walker and wear my super flattering hospital gown to do so, but it's getting better each time! 

I am so happy with the decisions that have been made and I feel at peace with whatever the pathology report will say. I have lost a lot and I have a lot of physical pain, but I also feel an immense freedom in my heart. 

Adoption has grown so deep in my heart. I know my babies are out there somewhere. I know that we are all God's children and I don't need reproduce using my own DNA in order to be an amazing mother one day. 

There will be plenty of highs and lows in the days to come as I am now in menopause at the age of 23. Yesterday felt like an entire day of lows but by the time I shut my eyes to go to sleep I chose to find all of the good. 

Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart. It is so encouraging to know I'm not in this fight alone. 

To God be the Glory,

All my love,

Jess

Today is the Day

It's real. It's happening.

It's here.

Today is the big day.

Decisions have been made.

Surgery will be at KU Med at 2:30 and will last about four hours. I have a wonderful gyn-oncology surgeon who has become dear to my heart in such a short amount of time. Unfortunately, the incision will need to be absolutely everything I was afraid of, a vertical incision down the center of my abdomen ending at my pubic bone. However, this will be the best opportunity for the surgeon to perform a complete staging surgery. Post op involves a 5 day hospital stay and an 8 week recovery period.

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Due to PET scan results, gut feelings, and intuition - I'll be saying goodbye to both ovaries. This means:

Goodbye to the ability to have children

Goodbye to the youthful hormones

Goodbye to the "normal" looking abdomen

Saying it all out loud is a reality check, but knowing that in a matter of hours it will all be permanent is an even bigger reality check. My stomach is truly in knots like never before, because it is both a lose/lose AND a win/win situation, all at the same time.

I am scared. That is just reality. And I am very sad, as I'm saying goodbye to a lot of really amazing things I thought would always be "mine"... but I'm choosing to focus on the peace I will gain in a big way.

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I want everyone to know how genuinely grateful I am for their continued support, as I have definitely needed it. I am so fortunate and I can feel the tremendous amount of love and prayer everyone is sending. Its the beginning of a long road to recovery but I am ready to take on whatever comes my way next. Having such amazing support makes this all a lot more bearable.

Yesterday, my parents were helping me get things ready to pack for the hospital. I was overwhelmed to the point of feeling physically ill, so I took a second to sit on the couch and make an organized document on my computer of what to pack (me, being OCD per usual).  As I went into my "notes" app on my laptop, icloud did some sort of update and a new note popped up from history that was dated 12/28/14 (nine days after my initial diagnosis). It was everything I needed to hear and gave me sheer goosebumps how it all came about:

"Cancer is not meant to destroy.

Illness can sharpen your awareness of how thoroughly God has already and always will be at

work in every detail of your life.

It has no final power if you are a child of the resurrection, so you can look it in the eye.

Cancer does not win if you die. It wins if you fail to cherish Christ in the fight."

So despite the fear, anxiety, ugly feelings that inevitably manifest,

I am ready to lay down for the ultimate physician to do His work of healing in my body.

I am ready to cast these cares into His hands and trust in His will for my life even though it does not make sense to me yet.

I will continue to share the good, the bad, and the painful... every step of the way.

Because I know this pain has a purpose.

And I know through my deepest wounds, I will find great healing.

It is here.

I am ready.

I won't hide my scars, I will wear them proudly as proof that God heals.

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https://g.co/kgs/TUYgVb To God be the Glory,

Jess

Because He Carries Me

   WELL BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE,

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It's been a while! And let me tell you, blogging isn't quite like the old "riding a bike" analogy. The struggle of starting back up again has been very real. Multiple times I've started writing, edited, erased, tried again, and shut my computer in frustration.

I think my previous attempts at writing this entry have failed because this next chapter carries a new element I haven't fully worked with before - being raw. Not raw vegan, but real, uncovered, honest, fully exposed..

"We all have a part of our story that is hard to write, but that is precisely what needs to be

written."

- SO HERE I GO, BEING RAW - 

It's funny because I've so often told myself, "Cancer has no hold on me" and "I am a beautiful badass who fears nothing." But I recently discovered all it takes to change that is sitting on a medical exam table, in a gown, open to the back, fully vulnerable, fully exposed.

It was this past Christmas break, the day after my 2 year-since-diagnosis-canciversary and I (for some unknown reason) scheduled myself some "check ups" to kill the celebratory vibe real quick. I was eager about the appointments because if all results were clear I would be able to get my port removed from my chest (what a freeing feeling that would be).

Unfortunately, that was not the case this time. The results revealed new little cysts/monsters growing... in both ovaries.

I'm not sure if it was the Christmas spirit or pure ignorance that led me to quiet my inner voice and carry on with the holly jolly theme, but I did a decent job at convincing myself somehow that I was not absolutely devastated.

The medical instruction was to follow up with another ultrasound in a month, which revealed that the cysts not only remained, but found a way to grow in a short amount of time. I tried to bury the devastation once more, but due to lack of Christmas spirit, it instead came out like wildfire (after a nice family dinner... perfect timing, right?). I felt embarrassed and isolated. I had no idea how much all of this raw emotion was impacting me. Eventually it became too much for me to push down or rationalize with, and no one knew how to help or what to say.

After another month went by, I eventually got around to swallowing my stubborn fears and went to the gynecologist... alone (huge mistake #1). I told myself it was nothing, so I prepared for nothing. I even decided to schedule this appointment before I took a quick cardiovascular pulmonary gastrointestinal pathology exam that afternoon at school (huge mistake #2).

As I sat there on the cold medical exam table, my hypothetically buried fears came to life. The doctor sitting across from me grabbed my shaking hands. She told me this was serious. She confirmed my worst case scenario. She told me I would need to freeze my eggs, remove my ovaries, treat menopause with synthetic hormones, and possibly go up against my second battle with ovarian cancer. From then on the noise in my head became too loud to hear much else.

I remember starring at the floral detail on the wall paper and wondering what my daughters nursery would look like some day or if I would ever have children or if I would live to be a mother, a wife, or a grandmother.

I remember the uncontrollable shake in my hands trying to keep the grasp of hers from letting go because letting go meant leaving the room and stepping out into a reality I didn’t know how to handle.

My "what if's" had become "what now's" and the distant reality that the future is not promised rang loudly, yet again.

- MOVING FOWARD -

When hardship arises life has a funny way of carrying on rather quickly for everyone and everything else around you, so I buckled down to complete the next two weeks of nine final exams and started the very familiar process all over again in my spare time - setting up oncology appointments, looking into fertility, talking about options, thinking about all of the repurcussionss of going into menopause at 23 years old. I went to back to back oncology appointments after taking my neuroanatomy final and turned around that night to study for two more finals the next day. It wasn't easy so I won't even pretend like it was. But I had everything I needed to get through what felt like the most impossible two weeks of my life. I had endless support from my family, to make me laugh, let me cry, and pray with me through the pain.

- THE PLAN -

After meeting with different gyn-oncology departments in Kansas City, we've come to the conclusion we're up against 3 separate but intertwined battles:

1. POSSIBLE reoccurance of ovarian cancer

2. Infertility

3. Menopause

Unfortunately, there just is not a way to win all three. It requires prioritizing one very important thing over another very important thing. Ultimately, my health has to be number one because, without that, nothing else remains an option.

• Pre-op - Monday, May 1st to discuss PET scan results and determine what will all be removed in the open surgery

• Surgery - Wednesday, May 3rd at KU Med Center - will likely involve a 6 week recovery process

- IN THE MEANTIME - 

As I work on acceptance, I still have waves of feeling like everything is being taken from me; my position in chiropractic school, my fertility, my chance of having my own child, my womanhood, my youth, and possibly my future. But none of that is truly "mine" to begin with. I am not entitled to any of those "my's." They're all just icing on the cake that gets taken for granted until its in jeopardy. I use to practice gratitude for the "extras" like a comfortable apartment, a cute puppy, or nice clothes, but I'm learning to place value in the ordinary, thought to be guaranteed parts of life we usually deem intangible. I find peace knowing that the organs can be removed from my body, the titles in my life can be taken away, and my days can be cut short - but nothing will touch the foundation of my being: my soul, my relationships, or my faith.

Something everyone asks is how Jeremy is handling it all - To say the least, we've had conversations no young boyfriend/girlfriend want to have with each other. Our decisions range from what to watch on TV to if adoption is something we will be comfortable with in the future. I am overwhelmingly blessed with a man of true character that is, and always has been, the calm to my storm. He has a way of silencing the noise around us with a sense of reliability and genuine love. It has not been easy and we're learning a lot about each other along the way, but we continually do what it takes to keep the joy alive, because each day with each other is a gift and we will not spend them in fear of the unknown that is to come.

I believe pain has a way of teaching us a humble, vulnerable, renewed version ourselves that the mundane will never meet. I've learned that through true devastation, when I hit my knees, something beautiful happens... I am free from all of the unnecessary. The pressure to be perfect is gone because I'm left with no other choice but to surrender control. It is not on my shoulders anymore to guide the path or make the right decisions of what to say, or how to act, or what to do. The petty part of life fades away as whats truly important takes the stage as I realize it's all in His hands, and learning that over again that covers me with peace.

I  wasn't sure if I would share my "raw" but I've learned we must expose our wounds in order to heal them. Covering them up, band-aiding them only works for so long until they need air and light and a new way of being. I no longer am bothered by the chance of judgement that comes with displaying my journey at full exposure, because we all have parts of our story that are hard to tell. We all have a part of us we don't want people to see, something that wouldn't voluntarily go on our highlight reels of life on social media. But I want to share that part of me, even if it gets extremely uncomfortable to do at times.

I don't want easy. I don't want structured. I don't want planned. I don't want organized. I don't want everything to make sense. I don't want to chalk everything up with a fake smile. I want this crazy, broken, beautiful life God has given me. I want to feel it all and I want to feel it deeply. I want to shout it from the freaking rooftops that He saves.

Because even though I'm at a fork in the road that evokes a familiar pain and even though there is so much unknown left  to endure - I feel even more alive, even more gratitude, and even more in awe of how beautiful the gift each new breath is.

It all became easier when I realized: We're all just walking each other home.

What happens on that walk together is up to us.

All my love,

Jess

Three Hundred and Sixty Five Days

If you would have asked me as a young girl what I was going to be when I grew up, "cancer survivor" would have never come out of my mouth.

However, I have always had an interest in the field of helping others. For most of my childhood I wanted to be a counselor, but grew to realize I was way too soft-hearted. Then I wanted to be a nurse, but I really didn't want to handle needles.  Eventually, my heart became set on chiropractic and the career path has stuck with me ever since. While that desire still remains, this journey has shown me that what I'd been longing for in my future wasn't necessarily a specific career path, but for a God-given purpose in my life. The very LAST place I ever expected to find that purpose or "calling" was through a diagnosis of cancer. Little did I know, it would reveal a part of me that I didn't even know was missing.

When I say this journey has been a gift, it's not like the shiny present all neatly wrapped with a giant bow on top. It's more like something you get from your grandmother that you don't really see the meaning in at first. In fact you're a little pissed off you didn't just get what you asked for, but over time and as it ages - its meaning and purpose is slowly revealed. You learn to admire its priceless beauty and realize that even though it isn't what you asked for, it is exactly what you needed.

I was titled "cancer free" on March 23, 2015. I can honestly say it has not been an easy down hill slope. There has been struggle and there has been hurt, but reflecting on the past year has me wanting to focus on the beauty that has come about in the midst of the pain. This journey has revealed God’s purpose for my life that I didn't even know I was longing to find. I have a brand new, deeply rooted passion for the human body’s ability to heal itself given the right environment and I’ve been eager to share that experience with others ever since.

I have thought about this special milestone for over 365 days. I’ve been thinking about what this post would contain and what this personal holiday would consist of. The difficult, yet beautiful, thing is that it isn’t like Christmas or Easter or even a birthday where there are established norms of celebration. There aren’t any certain foods to eat, songs to sing, or themed decorations to purchase for someone’s “one year cancer free.” So I guess it’s up to me to create the meaning of this day for myself.

My family and my friends have asked how I want to celebrate this day and I have had no answer up until last night, when I really just sat and thought about it and it made me realize - I don’t need confetti, cake, or balloons.  Just as Christmas isn’t about the gifts and Easter isn’t about eggs or a man in a giant bunny suit... this celebration is not about ME, this is not MY glory. It is not about another year of living life for MY wants, but for the precious ability to live for HIM. It is about the decision I made over a year ago to surrender my own will and my plans for life in exchange for His, regardless of where they would take me.

I want to celebrate this day by extending thanks to all of those who have helped lift me up and support me along the way – either emotionally, spiritually, physically, or monetarily. No words could ever communicate my depths of gratitude for your kindness.

I want to celebrate those whom I’ve met in this past year, specifically those with cancer who have either won their battle to live eternal life with the Lord or who continue to fight with grace and positivity.

I want to celebrate the ability to give back, the ability to be a light for others, and also  the ability to share my story.

They say God often uses our deepest pain to launch our greatest calling and I now know

that to be true.

The relationships formed have exceeded those that have broken.

The wounds healed have exceeded those that still scar.

The grace given has exceeded the grief.

The strength has exceeded the sorrow.

The new has exceeded the old.

His purpose has exceeded my own.

For that, I am eternally grateful. I look forward to sharing with you what the next 365 days holds. I can already guarantee that each one will be cherished.

With love,

Jessica Lynn

https://youtu.be/rwIBU8OKE0Q

Some of my favorite moments from the past year:

Meal Prep

 Many have messaged me through the blog asking what some of my go-to meals are and how I make it work with a busy life style. So I thought I'd share with you what prepping for a crazy week of studying and exams looks like! 🙌🍏🍋🍌🍴📚📖😋 ✅ My favorite pasta - Zucchini noodle spaghetti + falafel meat balls and nutritional yeast as my parmesan cheese replacement

✅Salads: mixed greens + heirloom tomatoes + red onion + avocado + sprouts + pecans and lemon garlic vinaigrette

✅Quinoa Kale Butternut Squash + garlic and Himilayan salt

✅My FAVORITE protein bar.. Ever: @squarebars for post workout @barmethodkc. It's made with all organic and plant based ingredients and has the glycemic index of an apple. A good thing to have handy! Otherwise I bring raw cashews or a protein + greens smoothie from home.

✅Suja organic mighty greens cold pressed juice! (️Costco find for $6.99 - that's a steal) Making my own juice is the ideal option, but this is second best!

✅Kombucha - guava, raspberry lemon, and pineapple

I use to think meal prepping was a dreaded 3-4 hour task.. Until I discovered I can get all of this done in LESS than 45 minutes. Crazy, right? I had a slight epiphany when I discovered how simple it can be. It makes my busy days a lot more productive and a LOT healthier when I can "grab and go" these nutrient dense instead of snacking all day. Im still a beginner in the meal prep game but it always feels good to know i have a fridge full of healthy food ready for the week!

Aside from meal prep, this might me my favorite thing Ive ever made.. Paleo and vegan pizzas made extremely simple. (Jeremys:

Say hello to my favorite pizza.. Ever. It isn't raw, but it's 100% vegan, soy free, gluten free, dairy free (you know the works) and we make them pretty much every Sunday.. I look forward to it all week.

We use Ezekiel sprouted organic tortilla shells, Tessame's barbeque sauce (amazingly clean ingredients and tastes just like bbq), sprouted chickpeas, red onion, green pepper, some grated sweet potato, Himilayan salt, basil, and pepper - baked at 350 for 25 minutes!

Next is this go-to superfood+protein smoothie. Basically all of the ingredients above blended + ice and spinach.  On occasion I use the cafe mocha + energy flavor of Amazing Grass superfood powder for a pick me up... It tastes like a rich and creamy coffee drink! But I usually stick to the plain greens and the "creamy fudge" orgain plant based protein powder.

My diet isn't perfect, but it works for me. I have been working at achieving balance in every area of life to make my new lifestyle sustainable. And im falling in love with the process 👍💪

#VeganMealPrep #PaleoMealPrep #dairyfree #glutenfree #FoodIsMedicine #PrepareForProgress #healthyisntboring #eattofightcancer #eattolive #holisticHealing

2016: Adopt A New Mindset

A new year beginning brings millions of people around the world to set new goals in efforts of bettering themselves. I use to be annoyed with this "trend" but I've come to gain some serious respect for the concept. Yes, you can change your habits any other day of the year, but some people need a firm deadline or some form of strict motivation that isn't the same old continuing pattern of  "I''ll start next Monday."

In all honesty, who doesn't want to better themselves in some way or another? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Embrace it this year.

In the past, I've made many many goals. I've written them down, come up with a plan of attack (it went pretty well for a week or two... tops), life got busy, and I failed. The second I fell off the wagon so to speak, even a little bit, I completely threw in the towel. Then I kind of began to mock people who wanted to better themselves. Crazy pattern, isn't it?

However, despite all of the failed attempts I've had. My new years resolution for 2015 has come through ten fold - to heal my body from the inside out. While that seems like a very generalized goal,  it also carried a very specific plan of attack. I transformed my entire life, left everything I knew, and stepped way outside my comfort zone in order to achieve the true meaning of health. It was the very first successfulNew Years Resolution (or any health goal for that matter) I've ever had.

I owe it all to my faith, attitude, support, perseverance and most importantly - my motive behind the goal. No matter what level you are at, there is always room for expanded knowledge and room to grow. The important thing is to be motivated by that and not hindered by it. No one is perfect. Not body builders, not Victorias Secret models, no one. Remember that.

My intent of this post is to share with you What made my New Year's Resolution to

Achieving True Health Possible:

1) DITCH THE NUMBERS: For the first time in my life, I didn't want to be healthy to LOOK better, fit into my high school size 00 skinny jeans, or see a lower number on the scale. I didn't weigh myself 2-3 times per day or count any calories. I didn't over eat and then beat myself up on the treadmill to make up for it. It wasn't the same vicious cycle of indulgence and guilt I had known so many times before.

For the first time, becoming healthier wasn't about an outward appearance. Instead of losing 10 pounds, I wanted to rid my body of toxins. Instead of limiting myself to 1200 calories per day, I wanted to learn how to consistently nourish my body properly. Instead of wanting to be skinny, I wanted to be strong internally.

2) QUIT BEING YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY: How can you expect to build yourself into something better if YOU are the one who is constantly tearing you down? In order to even begin to make my goals possible, my train of thought had to transform first. I had to work at no longer looking in the mirror and pinpointing what I disliked about myself. Focusing on the cute little cellulite that made itself a comfortable home on my thighs or the non-existent 8-pack had to stop. I had to make a conscious effort of viewing myself (literally) as a strong, beautiful person both inside and out. My mirror had sticky notes all over it that were either uplifting bible verses about strength and perseverance or positive quotes about true beauty. It felt way out of my comfort zone initially, but I got use to it quickly and read them multiple times a day as a reminder to see myself in God's eyes and not through the eyes of criticism.

This quote by Kris Carr initially struck me as overly cheesy, but I've grown to find it 100% true. The problem today is that we are so use to beating ourselves up as some sort of defense mechanism. As if hearing it from ourselves will prevent others from being able to tear us down. But does it really work that way? If you don't love, accept, and respect yourself first, how do you expect others to? Focus on your strengths, and constructively strive to improve on areas of weakness in a constructive (NOT destructive) way.

3) FOCUS ON PUTTING MORE GOOD IN - It's all out there: Weight Watchers, South Beach, Jenny Craig, Atkins, Portion diets, etc. While many of us have differing opinion on what "diet" is the best for us, I think we can all agree that the main idea we need to be focusing on in order to achieve true health is to EAT MORE WHOLE, PURE FOODS. Have you ever heard of someone becoming unhealthy by eating more broccoli and less real (OR artificial)sugars? ... Me either

The thing I dislike about diet fads is, if you're like I use to be, you "fail" (slip up) even once and its all a downhill slope from there. I use to have the mentality, "well, I ate one cookie so I might as well eat the whole box and then top it off with some of chips too." Then if I'm still feeling crappy I just wouldn't eat the rest of the day....

Like what?! No.

If you simply focus on putting more good in, you'll be a lot less likely to start the vicious cycle or give up on health altogether. Have your dang cookie, and eat some greens too.

4) READ THE INGREDIENTS not the numerical label.If you don't recognize an ingredient, your body probably won't either. We're all taught that numbers in that black and white box label  can depict the true health of a food. That's why so many processed food companies get people intrigued with their "Fat-free" "Sugar-Free" "350 calorie meal"  slogans.  But let's think about it, an avocado has MORE FAT and MORE CALORIES than a 100 calorie pack of Oreo cookies, but which one's healthier and more nourishing to the body? Which one will your body recognize how to digest and distribute nutrients?

The problem is these chemical-filled food-like products leave our cells HUNGRY for real

nutrients. You can eat and eat and eat and still feel an emptiness that preserved foods

cannot fill, simply because they do not break down to nourish the body as whole foods do.

Craving sweets? Eat something REAL. Make your own cookies out of pure ingredients, not processed chemicals, sugars, and dyes. One way of seeing it is to think about how your great great grandmother would have eaten: simple ingredients from scratch. The ingredient list of Grandma's famous chocolate chip cookies wouldn't contain things like butylated hydroxyanisole (BHA),  potassium bromat, sodium nitrates, artificial dyes, monosodium glutamate, etc.

5) Fat is not the enemy, artificial and processed sugar is. Healthy fat does not make you fat. I promise. That is all the further I'm going to get into that topic for now. Take my word for it ;)

6) GET THE BAD OUT - This is my personal favorite.

Toxic Foods

Toxic Products

Toxic Substances

Toxic People

Let that shit go... Literally.

One of my very favorite quotes (and I'm a quote junkie so that's really saying something) is "When a flower doesn't bloom, you fix the ENVIRONMENT in which it grows, NOT the flower." So what is your internal environment like? Is it full of stress, sugar, sadness, and unkind thoughts? Maybe your toxicity is due to the people that you surround yourself with, the food you eat, the thoughts you think, or the substances you use.

When I got to An Oasis of Healing this was the major focus for me. I had NO idea how toxic I was. De-toxing was a major portion of my success. While I did do coffee enemas to detox the liver, colon hydrotherapy to detox the colon, lymphatics to detox the lymphatic system, juicing to detox the body as a whole, and many other therapies similar - the most important detox I did was personal. I had noidea the kind of anger I was holding onto. I hadn't ever realized how much I was holding on to negative experiences and emotions of the past that I had not yet truly forgiven. It was literally making me physically sick.

Be strong enough to acknowledge pain, sadness, anger, and weakness. Be strong enough to let go of those who bring you down. Be strong enough to respect yourself and accept nothing less than to be treated how you deserve to be treated.

"Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them

have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of

existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren't

inherently bad people, but they aren't the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have

to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and

as much as you care, you can't destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to

make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care

about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself

from a situation that feels painful - you have every right to leave and create a safer space for

yourself." - Danielle Koepke

 7) QUIT FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF - I promise you, no one wants to come to your pitty party. Adopt a "get out of this phunk" routine. Listen to music, go for a run, read a book, whatever it may be. Because no one likes to be bitter and unhappy, things need to change.

Spoiler alert: life is honestly NOT out to get you. We all have our own unique "baggage," and how we deal with our burden is called character. Unfortunate circumstances force us to either shrink into our self loathing or step into action. Your past has taught you valuable lessons, listen to them, grow from them, and celebrate them.

8) SET SEVERAL MINI GOALS AND ATTACK THEM (one at a time) - an overall goal is awesome, but a plan of attack is necessary in order to achieve it.  Start with something so small and simple, attack it whole heartedly, achieve it, and build on it. If you have one major goal, have 30 mini goals to go along with it. Attack one at a time and feel like a winner in the process.

9) FIND YOUR own WAY OF DISPLAYING FAITH, Find a way of being so strong in your faith that it takes away power of your fears - Life here on earth is unexpected, filled with highs and lows. Planting firm in your faith means that no earthly circumstance can shake you too far. It is the most freeing and beautiful thing I have ever experienced. Faith for me is not displayed by reciting bible verses, sitting in a pew each Sunday morning in my best dress, or claiming to be a perfect Christian. It comes through helping others grow, lifting spirits, building a relationship with Christ, trusting him in all things, and putting my life in His hands. Each person's relationship is unique and should be respected. But just know that you do not have to be anywhere near perfect to be abundantly loved by Him. There is no such thing as too far gone in His eyes.

10) FOCUS ON FINDING THE GOOD IN OTHERS AND SHOW IT TO THEM, EVEN IF THEY CANNOT SEE IT. The world has enough negativity, be positivity and encouragement for others.

Make 2016 a NEW year. Start fresh, adopt a new mindset, and a new found love for what use to be the ugliest parts of life. I promise that there is so much beauty around you AND WITHIN you, you just have to open your eyes to it.

Wishing you a new year filled with love and gratitude,

Jessica Lynn

December 19, 2014

I've written and erased drafts for this post all morning. The right words are impossible to find when you're trying to convey something so largely unexplainable, something so beautifully earthshattering, heartbreaking, and amazing at the same time.

I've told the story of Decemer 19, 2014 numerous times because I remember so vividly every last aspect of that day, from the way my hand shook so vigorously as I held the phone recieving the news, to the feeling of falling to the cold green tile on bathroom floor shortly after. I remember the look upon Jeremy's face that I don't think I have ever or will ever see again, and the way my dads grey work sweatshirt smelt as I fell apart in his arms. I remember sitting in the shower to lose all composure alone before my whole family came home to be together.

It was single handedly the hardest day of my life. Little did I know, it would turn out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

This past year has been orchestrated by God and for God.

It was December 19, 2014 that I realized I am not big enough on my own. And my dad, the man who has fixed every thing else in my life, was now on the bathroom floor lying next to me, crying hysterically - so utterly helpless and lost. WE needed something bigger. We were not enough on our own.

Eventually I came to the grips that perspective is power. I learned that prayer is not intended to fill our earthly needs. I learned to be truly grateful that God didn't give me what I wanted, but what I needed. I prayed for the strength and courage to carry out His plan and do His will - which is exactly what I got.

Of course, what I felt called to do was against the norm. It wasn't easily attainable. It wasn't covered by insurance. It wasn't close to home. No oncologist I had met with even remotely supported the journey I wanted to take. And many of the people I love most in my life were hesitant to the idea as well. He led me to a path that forced me to surrender being aligned with this world and to align my life with Him.

There were days filled with pain, sorrow, and hurt. It wasn't sunshine and rainbows. There were swords pointed at me in many directions that a majority of people do not even know about. But learning to create my own sunshine is what got me through.

I never could have imagined how difficult it would be. I also never couldve imagined the amount of abundant blessings that could come from such a nasty disease. I never could've fathomed having my own blog, encouraging cancer patients around the world to fight with faith and positivity. I never could've dreamt that I would be finished with my first trimester of chiropractic school, living on my own again. It is truly a miracle to be living WITHOUT that grade 3 aggressive ovarian cancer, yet WITH all reproductive organs, the ability to be a mother some day, and a strong immune system. 

I want to thank everyone reading this, for your involvement on this journey. While many didn't quite understand or believe in the method I chose, you still offered words of encouragement and support. Being connected through my blog gave me something to really fight for. I wanted to fight to show that it CAN be done. That there IS more than one way to fight. That with God ALL things are possible, despite what the world may say.

Gratitude doesn't cover it and "thank you"  doesnt even scratch the surface. I feel extreme genuine compassion and appreciation for my family, who pulled together in my time of need, for my close friends who encouraged me, and for those who barely even know me - offering such incredible, selfless support.

Today is my first "Canciversary" and I'm celebrating all of those who believed in me. I've grown such a passion for turning darkness into light and I cannot wait to see what is in store for me next.

So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for making me feel so very loved every step of the way.

Giving Thanks and Praise

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to

utter words, but to live by them. ~ John Fitzgerald Kennedy

This Thanksgiving is one unlike any other. As I feel like it is the first year I know that the true meaning of giving Thanks is by living it out.

My life has been flipped upside down, shaken, shattered, torn apart, and given a time frame. The past year has been filled with heartache, despair, and a seemingly endless trail of unfortunate circumstances that I never imagined I would be strong enough to handle - and I was right. There is no way I could endure it alone. Which is the biggest blessing I've received and what I am grateful for this Thanksgiving: giving my life to Christ, to do His will.

The struggle of the past year is the most beautiful gift God has given me - to realize that no day is promised. Ourtime here is not infinite, but significant. He has shown me the way to an abundant life in Him - regardless of earthly circumstances. I am in awe of His plans for my life and in awe of His abundant grace.

The past ten days has been filled with anxiousness, as I awaited the results of my first PET scan since treatment in Arizona. While I have had multiple blood labs done, the true test of reassurance is the PET scan because my blood work has always been considered in the "normal range" even with cancer in my body.

Between studying for big exams, going to classes, and getting ready to go home for Thanksgiving - I was overwhelmed to say the least. I had sheer restlessness up until the day before the scan, when I learned it all over again again, to give thanks in all circumstances - in the light AND in the dark, to be grateful for His relationship above all else.

I was driving home from class and had one of those break downs - kind of like you see in movies. I'm almost embarrassed at how cinematic it was to be honest. I completely fell apart, thinking "What if I don't get to stay in school?" "What if I have to go back to Arizona?" "What if the cancer has spread?" What if I die from this, what if, what if... but then I realized - it's nothing WE haven't faced before, God and I. God never fails me. My life is telling a story and HE is the author. I am NOT in control and never will be. I knew that even if my world was turned upside down again, that we were an unstoppable duo- which brought me so much peace and comfort.

Tuesday evening, the news came as I was getting gas (at quite possibly the scariest gas station in Kansas City). My heart has never dropped so suddenly seeing Dr. Murphy's name on my screen. I am beyond grateful and DELIGHTED to share with you all that the PET scan was COMPLETELY CLEAR OF MASSES and CLEAR of ANY metabolic activity outside physiological range!!

God's blessings are so rich, so abundant, and so infinite. I am continually amazed by His work in my life.

The people I have grown close to, the experiences I've had, and the growth that has flourished in me spiritually this past year is beyond realm of my thanks and praise. I could never express through words the gratitude I have for each and every one of you who have supported this beautiful journey and who have lifted me up every step of the way through prayer, encouragement, and positivity - it truly means the world to me.

Sending my love and gratitude this Thanksgiving,

Jessica Lynn

Recnac Reinvented

Hello beautiful people, I am in a state of pure bliss thinking about at what this past week has brought. I've received a flood of messages from a wide range of new followers asking for a condensed version of what it is I did on my journey of healing and for any key pieces of advice along the way. While I've posted about all of this information before, it's been in bits and pieces throughout the duration of my blog so I've decided to condense it into one to hopefully clear things up!

First I'm going to start by saying that it's time to reinvent the hold that this disease has on us. Try referring to it backwards - "RECNAC." It doesn't have such a fear-stricken connotation this way. Whether you choose to heal via chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, cannabis oil, lifestyle change, or anything in between - know that this is not a place of judgement but rather a place of SUPPORT. Just because I healed in the following way does not mean that this exact regimen will work for any and anyone with cancer - this is what worked for ME in my journey. My hope and purpose behind this website is to raise awareness that it is YOUR choice what you do to your body. It is not your family's choice what form of healing is best for you  and it certainly is not Recnac's choice what it does to you.

Positivity and prayer were the key players for me in keeping an empowering mind frame throughout the healing process, which greatly attributed to the success of my treatments. This is why it is so important to BELIEVE IN THE ROUTE YOU TAKE and be in charge of your journey, no matter what it may be.

The beginning of my diagnosis felt as though I was faced with two options, and two options only : "Do this treatment regimen" OR "Here's the number of days you have left" (essentially do this or die - pretty extreme, huh?). The worst part is you typically don't get months, weeks, days, or even hours to prepare for that kind of news. Nope. It hits you harder, faster, and stronger than you could ever imagine. And in my case, it was completely unexpected. The problem is that a lot of times this unexpected and tragic news creates tunnel vision. Our first thought and main focus is "okay, just make it go away" and not "okay, what is the root cause of this?" or "what IS cancer?" which is exactly what causes us to go with the first option we're given. Being the strong-willed (some would say stubborn) person I am, I didn't like either of the options I was handed. SO - I created my own.

• DON'T TAKE THE BACK SEAT this is YOUR journey! Devastating? Very. End of your life as you know it? It probably seems that way. BUT, the awesome thing is that the power of prayer and positivity can take you extremely far. Read, research, pray, ask, reach out, think positive, look at ALL angles. The best thing I ever did for myself was to take the time to learn what cancer actually is at a cellular levelrather than look at it based off of society's definition of cancer. Once I knew how cancer played the game, I spent hours and days on end coming up with a plan as to how I could play it better

• I prayed and prayed for God to show me the way and to take my hand on this journey, which is exactly what He has done. After a lot of contemplation and research, the signs were unignorable. I decided to heal holistically, but I also knew that I needed structure and organization to do so successfully without getting too overwhelmed by all of the changes. I spent days and weeks researching different clinics. I crafted color coded documents comparing pricing, treatments, pros & cons, etc. My heart lead me to Mesa, AZ to a lovely little adobe style center called An Oasis of Healing. This is not the big glass building with beautiful art work and valet parking that you would expect or that you're treated to at other health facilities. For any preconceived notion that this treatment route is glamorous, it is actually far from it. It is beautiful in it's own way; simple and close to nature. You can read about my initial diagnosis, back ground, and decision making in the links at the top of my web page, so let me cut to the chase and take you into what my treatment at Oasis looked like.

My treatment plan included:

• High dose vitamin C infusions 3x per week

• Blood ozone therapy 1-2x per week

• Colon Hydrotherapy 3x per week

• Lymphatic drainage with the use of grapefruit and frankincense essential oils 2-3x per week

• Manual lymphatic therapy 1x per week

• Myofascial release 2x per week

• B17 injections 2x per week

• Coffee enemas 1x per DAY

• Acupuncture 2x per week

• Dry brushing to increase lymph flow every day

• Rebounding/walking/low impact exercise as much as possible

• Infrared Sauna 30 min, 3x per week

• Insulin Potentiated Therapy (Low Dose Chemotherapy) 6 sessions total of the Bleomycin, Etoposide, and Cisplatin

• 64 oz of green juice per day (I didn't always reach this amount, but I tried my best!)

• Raw vegan diet 100% of the time.

  • No meat, eggs, gluten, dairy, processed sugar, little to no natural sugar (only organic granny smith apples for fruit)

  • Yes, it was VERY hard, I will not sugar coat that. But, no route of healing cancer is easy!

  • We had classes every morning that were tremendously helpful with this component. Some days they were raw vegan cuisine classes where we learned how to use different kitchen tools like dehydrators, juicers, etc. As well as how to incorporate different spices and superfoods in order to avoid feeling like all we were eating were vegetables 24/7. We made things like raw vegan cheesecake, cheesy kale chips, walnut taco meat, and yummy smoothies.

  • Other days of class consisted of preparing for the transition home, discussing how to make our environments at home chemical free (cleaning supplies, beauty regimen, etc), or just talking about our days ahead at treatment.

  • Counseling, laughter therapy, and mediation were always available to whoever wanted/needed it that day

A typical day of eating 100% raw vegan at treatment looked like this:

• Hot lemon water upon waking

• Early morning snack: 16-32 oz green juice

• Breakfast: Either granny smith apples and celery with raw almond butter OR superfood protein smoothie loaded with healthy fats, nuts, seeds, avocado etc

• Late morning snack: Raw mixed nuts with goji berries

• Lunch: Large salad of some sort (walnut taco salad, raw waldorf salad, etc)

• Snack: avocado + tomato + himilayan salt and olive oil, raw cashews, 16-32 oz green juice, raw crackers with spreads

• Dinner: We had a variety of things like Raw Zucchini Lasanga, Raw pasta sauces with kelp noodles, Raw veggie burgers etc

I also ate out at local raw vegan restaurants and had things like raw nachos, veggie wraps, etc.

Things I did in addition to my treatment "plan"

Meditating, journaling, and being in silence were recommended to us patients at Oasis in order to connect with your inner being. However, this did not

work for me. My "meditation" consisted of what probably seems like a rather strange morning routine to many, but it was the right fit for me. The first thing I did in the morning was have my hot lemon water and read my daily devotional for the day. Then I did my coffee enema, during this time I educated myself. I found articles and followed different influential people in the holistic community on social media like Ty Bollinger, Chris Wark, and Dr. Charles Majors. Each morning, I read about a different holistic topic or scrolled through their posts, which really helped me understand why

I chose the path I did. It helped to continually remind me of my belief and strengthened my faith that this path was going to work for me. Some days I woke up completely sick of anything related to health or holistic healing or cancer - so I read about religious uplifting posts, stories of how God has transformed others' lives in big ways, which proved to be insanely inspiring. When I was done with that I would crank up my Christian playlist and belt the lyrics while I got ready for my day. (I'll post a few of my favorites at the end of this post). Music was a form of prayer for me many days when I couldn't find the right words to say or when I was just feeling lost and defeated. It lead me back to a place of clarity in genuine gratitude and endless love for Christ. It made me reconnect with the fact that I was living out God's plan, and although extremely difficult, it was greater and more beautiful than anything I could plan for myself. I knew He was breaking me down to nothing to build me up to something beyond measures.

Diet wise I also kind of took my own little spin on things. I focused on NOT allowing myself to feel deprived, I thought about how the food I was eating was nourishing my body to become strong and to support my body in ridding cancer. The power of intention was everything to me both in diet and in treatments. Don't get me wrong, I had my days. We were served "pizza" one day and I about had a stage 5 meltdown kindergarten style when I saw it looked more like a lump of mush veggies than a pizza. (No offense Janet if you're reading this, most of the food was incredible but please don't call it pizza if it's on a bed of lettuce. Right?) I still went out and did things, because I'm a very social person. We would go out to eat, or to do different fun things on the off days of treatment and I would just make sure to bring my own food and supplements for the day!

What I do now, post-cancer:

It hasn't been easy trying to find a balanced and sustainable lifestyle, but I get closer and closer as time goes on.

Here is what my regimen currently consists of: ~8 months post treatment

• 100% vegan diet (not 100% raw)

• 100% processed sugar free, dairy free, meat free, and gluten free

• I do enjoy organic vodka or titos vodka with lots of water and some lemon or organic dry red wines from time to time (I really, really like a great party and dancing - but I definitely have limits)

• High dose vitamin C once every other week

• Colon hydrotherapy once every other week

• Coffee enemas 3x per week

• Exercise: rebounding, walking, low impact weight lifting

• Dry brushing

• Aim for 16 oz green juice per day, if I run out of juice I make a GIANT green smoothie

• Bioidentical hormones

• Supplements:

  • B17

  • Vitamin C

  • D3

  • B complex

  • Glutathione (for liver support)

  • MTHFR-5

  • Probiotic

  • Digestive Enzymes

If this overwhelms you.. good. That means you're completely normal. It should be overwhelming to someone who has never done all of these things before. It honestly kind of overwhelms me just looking at all those bullet points and I'm the one who wrote it. It is all a lifestyle journey and it takes time! Even if you may not be able to do everything right now, breathe. You will get there.

For me, going to a treatment center took away the stress of organizing and planning everything myself - but it was still a lot of work! It was dedication every single day and keeping a positive attitude regardless. The key was to never expect perfection from myself. We all start somewhere. Don't compare your "here and now" to someone else who has already walked through the path. There's always more green juice you could drink, more steps you could take, more time you could've spent in the sauna instead of in bed, and so on.. The important thing is that any effort in your day toward being healthier than yesterday is progress. You are striving toward a healthier you and that's incredible. Give yourself credit for how far you've come. No one gets there over night.

By no means am I perfect, I have my guilty pleasures. I fall off and get back on. I am human, but I'm headed in the right direction. The more I learn the harder it is to ignore that this is God's purpose for me. Sharing my journey with all of you is such an incredibly amazing gift from God and I thank you deeply and sincerely for taking interest in my story!!

I look forward to growing together in health and happiness,

With endless gratitude and love,

Jessica Lynn

https://youtu.be/Yzejd6r9DwE

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Meatless Mexican and Meal Prep Monday

Something I'm asked very frequently: "Don't you miss meat? Don't you ever get sick of eating just salads and veggies all the time?"

My answer is always: not at all, because I eat so much more than that! Would I be bored  and feeling deprived if I felt like all I ever ate was plain salads and vegetables? Heck yes. But (praise the Lord) I have Pinterest to thank for being the loveliest resource possible in my plant-based transition. There are a plethora of recipes involving grains, veggies, and nuts that taste every bit as hearty and mouth watering for any "comfort" dish you can imagine. Ironically, I've actually become much more creative and cautious than I use to be in the kitchen after kicking animal products. (I never would have even thought about making my own sour cream out of cashews and apple cider vinegar had I not made the commitment to a plant-based lifestyle after my diagnosis.)

While I know that being full blown vegan is not in the interest of many, incorporating more vegetables and less processed foods is never a bad thing!

I may not miss meat much, which is the honest truth, but what I couldn't give up is anything that involves a tortilla chip. If there is a bag of chips and any sort of dip in front of me, self control laughs in my face. So finding some satisfying meatless Mexican meals and dips was an absolute must. One of my very favorite staples was introduced to me at treatment: walnut taco meat. Sounds kinda funky huh? How could walnuts taste like taco meat? I don't even really like walnuts.. Trust me-this is glorious, regardless of your take on walnuts. It is probably the most simple yet versatile recipe I've ever been introduced to! I use it in anything even remotely "Mexican-y."

Walnut Taco Meat Dishes Ideas:

Lettuce Taco Wraps

Nachos with Cashew Cheese sauce

Taco "Chipotle" bowls

Chunky dairy free chilli cheese dip

Homemade burritos

WALNUT TACO RECIPE

Ingredients

• 3 cups walnuts (I use raw)
• 1-2 T Chili Powder
• 2 tsp. Cumin
• 3 T Liquid Aminos (I use Braggs Liquid Aminos as pictured, this is a healthy alternative to soy sauce)

Place all ingredients in a food processor, pulse the ingredients until they resemble taco meat. Adjust seasonings to your own taste.

How simple is that?! 5 minutes tops and you've got yourself some delicious hassle free taco meat that is chalk full of healthy fats and plant based protein!

 

Being a full time grad student, prepping is essential for me to have healthy meals on hand that are easy to grab as I'm heading out the door to class or while studying for exams. Salad jars are God's gift to meal-preppers! You wouldn't think they could fit much, but if you're as determined as I am, you can fit more in a 32 oz mason jar than a standard "lunch sized" Tupperware.

I would recommend the "wide-mouth" mason jars if you plan on eating directly from the jar (most of mine are the narrow kind for drinking from and they aren't nearly as convenient to eat out of). My favorite feature of using the mason jars for meal prep is that they are inexpensive glass containers. Many plastic containers contain BPA and other carcinogens that can leach into your food, especially when heated. Pyrex glass containers are a great investment as well but can add up quickly, especially in comparison to the cost of mason jars! Anyway, enough about my obsession with mason jars versatility, lets talk about what I put in them.

TACO SALAD JARS (5 jars) can easily be made dairy, gluten, soy, egg, and meat - free!

Ingredients

• 1 head iceberg lettuce
• 1 batch of walnut taco meat
• 1 large bell pepper (I used red)
• 1 small-medium sized red onion
• 1 can black beans
• 3 avocados mashed into a guacamole like texture
• 5 large spoonfuls of your favorite salsa
• Shredded cheese (I used Daiya soy-free cheese Mexican blend)
• Thousand Island or Ranch dressing (optional: I used a homemade raw vegan thousand island

Assembling the jars: I get ready to prep by setting out my five jars and all ingredients almost like a taco bar. Make sure all ingredients are chopped properly so when you go to eat the salad everything mixes well and is easy to eat on the go! When assembling the jars ALWAYS PUT DRESSINGS ON THE BOTTOM OF THE JAR (this is to avoid the dressing from making the salad contents soggy and to keep the lettuce crisp).

1. Begin by adding the thousand island and salsa to the bottom of the jar with the smashed avocado ontop of that to complete the bottom layer.
2. Next add your walnut taco meat layer.
3. Combine the black beans, bell pepper, onion, and cheese to make up the third layer.
4. Lastly, add the ice berg lettuce to complete the top layer and seal the jars

I store the jars in the fridge on Sunday night and eat my last salad on Friday for lunch. I personally think the quality and taste holds up very well, some recommend only prepping three days worth at a time.

Walnut taco meat's amazingness aside, this week I tried a new recipe found on Pinterest via crazyvegankitchen.com. I tweaked a few things within the recipe and added a few of my own favorites.  All of her claims were completely accurate about this delicious dish! Below is my rendition of the recipe.

One Pan Mexican Quinoa + Cashew Sour Cream

Her picture was just a little prettier than mine at the top of the page

For the Quinoa:

• 1 teaspoon Olive Oil
• 2 cloves garlic or 1 T crushed garlic
• 1 stalk Celery, diced
• 1 small Carrot, diced
• 1 large red onion
• 1 bell pepper
• 4 Jalapeños, seeded and finely chopped
• 1¼ cup Uncooked Quinoa, rinsed well and drained
• 1¼ cups vegetable broth
• 1 (15 ounce) can Black Beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 (14.5 oz) can Diced Tomatoes, with juice
• 1 cup Corn
• 1 teaspoon Cumin
• 1 teaspoon Cayenne (more for a spicier dish, less for a mild dish)
• 1 packet Stevia (or 2 T sugar)
• 1 Avocado, peeled and cubed
• 1 cup Baby Spinach
• 1/2 cup Butternut squash or sweet potato (optional)

For Homemade Cashew Sour Cream:

• 1 cup Raw Cashews (soaked overnight in water and then drained)
• 1 tablespoon Apple Cider Vinegar
• Juice of 1 Lemon
• ¼ teaspoon Salt
• ½ teaspoon Nutritional Yeast
• ⅓ - ½ cup Water, depending on how thick you want it to be

Instructions

1. For Quinoa: Heat the oil in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Add the garlic, celery, carrot, onion, pepper, and jalapeños and sauté for about 1 minute, until fragrant.
2. Stir in the quinoa, broth, beans, tomatoes, corn, cumin, cayenne, stevia and salt. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to a simmer.
3. Cover and let cook for 20-25 minutes, until the liquid is fully absorbed. Remove from heat, stir in avocado, spinach and squash. Season to taste. Top with cashew sour cream and oven-crisped tortilla strips.
4. For Cashew Sour Cream: Combine ingredients in a blender and blend till very smooth. Keep in air tight container in the fridge for up to 1 week.

Don't Be Too Busy Dreaming You Forget to Wake Up and Truly Live

If we sit down and take some time to think about it, we all know our true values.   

However, we could also probably tell you that if we only had "X" amount of time left on our clock we'd be living our lives a lot differently: giving more, making more time for those who matter most, giving up the meaningless things that seem to drain us of useful energy, and for some of us, start living life a little more for Christ.

BUT, "life just gets busy." That's all there is to it, right? There's so much to balance and never enough hours in a day to do every thing we'd like to do.

It's so easy to unintentionally forget your core priorities and true values when the pace of every day living hits; when the planner gets so packed you can't keep the to-do's straight and the days roll together, getting busier and busier. And every so often we have these moments of clarity that bring us back to our roots again. It seems like we tend to get these mini revolutions when we get on certain "kicks." Going to church again kicks, workout kicks, healthy eating kicks, kicks where we set goals to make a certain someone in our life a bigger priority. And it usually goes really well (at first).. And then we blame the beautiful thing called "life" for getting in the way again, as our "kicks" become a little less important and then a little less, until eventually we're back in the "look ahead" lifestyle.

Stress causes a whirlwind of emotions, and can do this nasty thing where it turns us into someone we don't intend to be - someone so far from who we are at our core. Funny, isn't it? We, as a society, get so caught up in building the life we dream of, that we forget we are given the gift of this "here-and-now" life each day.

As many of you know, I started the Chiropractic program at Cleveland University earlier this fall. (What an experience and a blessing it has been). Through the first few weeks of school I found myself in the state I've been describing again- the to-do list crazy, busy, "I don't have time for this" mentality. I went from a full time college student of 12 credit hours to 27 credit hours, a couple classes a day (if that) to up to 7 classes a day, from studying a couple hours a week to an average of six hours per day.

Life got really intense really fast, and trying to keep my head above the water school-wise became my number one priority even faster. I hadn't been in this state since before my diagnosis. And the worst part of it all was that I didn't even realize how I was living my day to day life without expressing true gratitude. I began to blow off essential therapies in order to study, I quit some of the most important pieces of my new lifestyle to make more time for school, and didn't connect to my core values nearly as much as I use to.

Two weeks ago Sunday, one of my  classmates asked me to go try out a new church with her, and honestly she'll never know how much that meant to me. That morning was a true wake up call, "Hellooo Jess, do you remember the last six months of your life? They weren't a dream sweetheart!! It's time to wake up again girl friend." BAM. Like a punch to the stomach. A flood of emotions came over me throughout various points of that day.

Although I have this wonderful opportunity of going to school to become a doctor right in front of me, and although it requires a tremendous amount of discipline and consumes a lot of time - it is not my entire life.

I have always said that I've  been given an immaculate gift of a second chance at living... but honestly, we're all given that each and every morning when we wake up. I had stopped appreciating the beauty of that when I let the business of the world overcome my inner being.

Which got me thinking, all of this could be taken from me at any moment again,  just like it had last year. I was a "typical" college student. Again, spending so much of my energy worrying about exams and school, when all of sudden that life was ripped from me. Which was hands down the most humbling, yet earth shattering experience I've ever encountered. But God taught me the greatest lesson through all of that pain: never lose sight of me.

So what is truly mine? In the end, the only thing that cannot be taken from us tomorrow is the impact we've had on other people's lives, the relationships we've built with the ones we love, and our relationship with God. The rest is JUST extra. 

It's easy to lose sight of, we're human. None of us will ever be perfect, though we strive to be.

Life kind of becomes a series of finding our way and then getting lost again.

But the most beautiful thing about it: you're never too lost to find your way back to God.

You're never too far gone to live an abundant life in Him.

And HE is NEVER too busy for you.

The most beautiful thing is the more you live in Christ, the more you realize what true fulfillment is. Im willing to bet you are worthy of so much more than you give yourself.

It isn't new clothes, an A on an exam, a new job, or losing ten pounds (although, they are all pretty great and I wouldn't mind any of them coming my way).

It's being truly happy with who you are as a person, giving pieces of yourself to people, places, and things that could never repay you, waking up each day  just honestly being glad to be alive.

It's living for something greater than yourself and giving from the goodness of your soul.

It's not about knowing the bible cover to cover or being the most "put together" in the front pew at church every Sunday.

It's establishing a relationship. It's praying even when you don't need anything. It's giving your baggage to God and sureendering your life to being a little more like Him.

Don't be too busy dreaming that you forget to wake up and truly live.

Xoxo,

Jessica Lynn

A Beautiful Gift: Six More Months of Life

  https://youtu.be/NZTLxTMYJuY

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I spent a good portion of my night last night looking through my Facebook feed before bed.

I clicked on the right side bar that allows you to browse different months and years of your "Facebook life." I went to January. From there I just scrolled.. and scrolled.. and scrolled. It started with the initial post sharing my treatment plan. I remember how many times I read and re-read it before clicking publish and how fearful I was of doing so. But, much like every other little step in this wonderful journey, my fear was much smaller than my faith.  I had no idea what would come of posting it or the amount of insanely generous support I would receive. I don't think at that point I could have ever predicted the level of love that I would be showered with.

I remember feeling knots in my stomach like never before at the time of that publish. I was packing my bags for Arizona to undergo a treatment that every traditional oncologist suggested I stay away from. I was fearful of what people would think, but bigger than that fear was my faith that God was with me. He was speaking to my heart so loudly about healing in a unique way and showing the world it could be done. He kept giving me unignorable signs. I honestly remember praying "Okay, I know you keep giving me little signs God, but I need bigger ones. Tell me this is what you need me to do. Tell me again that this is my calling." And soon after, it became extremely clear to me. (Ask and you shall receive I suppose). The signs came rolling in and by that point I knew I was going to follow. I had no idea where I would end up. I lived in fear that my plan wasn't going to be good enough, that taking a holistic approach would fail, just as the doctors told me it would. I feared sharing my treatment plan with others, scared that their reaction might be negative.

How very wrong I was. Within minutes of clicking "publish" on my very first blog and my fundraising website, my phone was blowing up like crazy. It was a moment I will never forget. I was in awe of the messages that began rolling in of love, encouragement, support, and praise. It was truly amazing seeing all of the beautiful people in my life, who may have known me all 20 years of life or those who have never met me at all, show support in a multitude of ways.

From there I posted my first blog in Arizona. I read it last night. It's almost like an old diary that you look back and reflect on what it felt like writing it. You're automatically taken back to what you were wearing, smelling, feeling, and thinking (or maybe that's just me.. I remember stupid little details regardless). I kept scrolling to find posts on my wall that took me back to reading them for the first time and how wonderful that felt. There were so many of you who shared my blog posts on your page with kind messages attached.

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Each day in Arizona I'd receive some sort of notification that connected me with my roots back home. I was in an unfamiliar place, away from familiar faces, away from loved ones, away from anything I had ever known and YOU made me feel connected. Its what pushed me to keep smiling, to stay positive, and to constantly see how the good overshadows the bad. You helped me fight when I was weak.

https://youtu.be/ei3Zgz7ddtg

I stumbled upon the "Kick for A Cause" fundraiser from my old gym Farrells in Iowa City (how amazing is this video?!). It honestly still brings me to tears .I'll never forget the first time I watched it, after perhaps one of my hardest treatment days.

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There's different photos with family that came to visit and friends that did too. I was never alone. And that was key. Cancer free or not. That is all I needed. To say I am a people person is an understatement: people are my world. So having all of you made me not only completely content, but truly happy, even with cancer. That right there is an empowering feeling, to know even though you have something so "deadly" that provokes giant frowns and puppy dog eyes in strangers, you are insanely happy - it's amazing. You've given me that through the support of my journey. That is something that I NEVER could have done for myself, I needed you to help me. The motivation to keep going came from the support of each one of you. Every share, comment, post, photo, or message contributed to my willingness to keep posting, writing, updating, and fighting

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Six months ago today I recieved the best news I will ever recieve in my entire life. And no matter how crazy it sounds I will shout from the rooftops that my diagnosis was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am forever changed because of it.

Six months later: I am attending Cleveland Chiropractic College in pursuit of my Doctorate of Chiropractic degree. Jeremy and I live together in Kansas City, treatments here are going wonderfully, and my body continues to get healthier and stronger every step of the way. I thank the Lord for changing me from the inside out, for replacing fears and anxiety with a growing faith. God continues to be at work within my soul. I am not who I was, nor who I will be. I continue to embrace the gift of each day as something sacred, treasured, and never promised. I can't wait to see what is in store for this journey next.

I could never thank you enough for blessing me so graciously these past six months. Here's to many more to come!

With my genuine love and endless gratitude,

Jessica Lynn

Some of my favorites from the last six months.

• http://joiningjessica.com/blog/my-something/
• http://joiningjessica.com/blog/embrace-your-gift/
• http://joiningjessica.com/blog/to-those-who-tried-to-place-an-expiration-date-on-my-life-this-ones-for-you/

https://youtu.be/sLamZ_W73-s

Mountains High

This morning had me feeling all sorts of "pinch me I'm dreaming."    My favorite person is moving to Kansas City in five days. And after living in seven different zip codes in less than six months, I am officially settled into my new little home (yesssss, I moved.. Again. However, I feel like I'll be here for the long haul, or at least for four more years). 

This past weekend I packed up ALL of my belongings and re-settled one last time. It was a bit of a stressful situation, but I've never experienced such AMAZING stress. Who knew there was such a thing?! Perhaps the coolest part of it all was my family's reaction. I dropped the bomb on them that I was moving out of the apartment (the same one I had just moved into six weeks ago) and their response was basically "Awesome! See you Friday with boxes." Are you kidding me?! I am continually blown away from their unconditional support and love. While I know that Jeremy and I could have made the move on our own, it would have been a muuuch longer process. I tried to talk my family out of coming down again to undo and redo everything we had just done, but they knew I had a big week ahead with *drum roll* CHIROPRACTIC SCHOOL FINALLY BEGINNING!! And wanted me to be all moved in before the new journey began. Even these little love nuggets came down to keep Lodi company ;)   Thanks to everyone sacrificing their holiday plans to come help, the big move went surpringisnly smooth, fast, and easy. We even had time to watch the Iowa kick some butt on Saturday - go Hawks!  

Waking up this morning, another day Cancer free, feeling settled in this new little home, to first day jitters that I haven't experienced in about mmm six-ish years, does have me feeling like life is way too good to even be true.     As many of you know, the past year of my life has been a series of ups and downs, with extreme highs and extreme lows. It brings me back to reflect on the days of just hoping I could make it through the day of treatment without having to take too many medications for nausea or pain and to the days filled with extreme fear of what my future would look like, if I would be lucky enough to have one. 

  

It's easy when you're at the top of your personal mountain to forget what it's like to look up from the bottom, to feel so small and so helpless. When life is good, it's easy to forget to pray or to take the time to give thanks and praise - because the top is easily misunderstood as the end destination or as winning, as if you don't need God for anything anymore. We're subconsciously like "ok yup thanks I got what I needed, you're the bomb, A+ man." Completely misunderstanding what the purpose of prayer or a relationship with the Lord is. But hitting rock bottom and relying on your own relationship with the Lord to carry you through the darkness into the light gives such a humbling perspective from the top of that mountain. I have never experienced it until today. By no means is my faith perfect. I still don't know how to read a bible from cover to cover. Im not sure of all of the details or names enclosed in the scripture, and I don't have many memorized prayers. But, this view from what Id consider the top has me realizing how much I have grown spiritually. It enhances my awareness of how much I have relied on the Lord every step of the way and how He has, in turn, flourished within my own heart.  While a new homey apartment, a new school career beginning, and gaining health back are all tremendously wonderful ble - that isn't what has me feeling so humbled. Those are all huge blessings that I've always dreamt of. And while they mark milestones of success, something much bigger than any earthly treasure that more satisfying and more beautiful, has grown. I've learned many lessons so far and im no where near complete, but I believe the biggest lesson I've ever learned is to open your heart to the Lord. Whether on mountains high or valleys low, He will be your rock. He will fulfill you more than any earthly treasure we desire. He will show you the way and reveal to you some of life's most insanely richest blessings. You will find peace in your faith and you will find value in the simplest of things.        Today I embark on a new journey of becoming a doctor of chiropractic, to use my hands for good purpose and to do God's work in sharing my journey and in helping others heal. I am filled with insane gratitude for all of you who have supported me along the way. 

With love,  Jessica Lynn

From the Inside Out

Hello there lovely people.

First I wanted to give you a little bit of an update: 

This past Monday marked month one (of many) living in Overland Park, Kansas. While it

has been a huge transition from being with family 24/7 to being on my own again, I am

constantly reassured that this is where I am suppose to be.

I never shared much about my CA results on my blog, so for those of you who do not have

Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram - I'll fill you in a little bit more. Back in July, I had labs

drawn and sent to a medical lab in California to complete a Cancer Profile test. Three weeks

later I got the phone call the that all of my levels correlating with any cancer types

are completely within normal range... Recnac remains defeated (hallelujah). My biggest fear

was that after going back to my own environment, as things changed, the cancer could come

back. I feared that because I was not adopting a 100% perfectly raw diet, getting therapies

every single day, and living away from my own temptations and stresses - that things could

have come back. Basically, I needed to know that what I am doing is enough.

 However, the Cancer Profile test measures strictly for any cancers within the body through

blood and urine. It does not scan for any masses in the body. SO in order to cover all of th

bases,  I also had vaginal ultrasound done to detect any abnormalities or growths within the

pubic and pelvic regions. Despite the look of hesitation on my technician's face, everything

turned out completely clear on that test as well!

Even with amazing news, my treatment plan will remain as is, at least until my next PET

scan in January.  If those results prove to be clear as well, then treatments will be able to

taper off a little bit more and I might even be able to get my port taken out! (As of right

now, I still have it in because it helps make my once-a-week vitamin C IV's a heck of a lot

easier). To say God is Good doesn't give Him nearly enough justice or credit. I've praised

Him through many trials in spite of pain, but praising Him in the presence of glory is sure

an incredible feeling as well. After being given a second chance at life, you really wonder

what your purpose is. I've talked about that thing called "survivors guilt" before, but it

seems to have gone beyond that. I've had such a desire to help more, give back more and do

more. I've prayed about it for a while now, to be lead in whichever direction my life is

intended to go. And I strongly feel like God has been showing me in multiple ways that my

purpose is to be a source of light to help others on their own health journey's. So that is

exactly what I am doing.

As many of you know, I have created new social media accounts in addition to this new website. My hope is that this new website will allow you to see/read about what you WANT to see/read about. I've taken things beyond the depths of my cancer diagnosis and treatment, moreso into a journey of growing in health. I've learned to continue to fight with food as my medicine and faith as my strong suit. I realize that making green smoothies, healthy recipes, and juicing isn't something every one wants to know about. But if you do want to learn more about it,  there are links to easily navigate your way to that information. If you just want to read my blog posts, they are still readily available. And there are many of you who have reached out with family members or friends with cancer, asking for my diagnosis, my story, links to Oasis, and other informational links - they're all in one spot for you now, hopefully making it much easier to refer back to!

It isn't a secret that outward appearance is portrayed as far more important than our inner being. Iis not our fault, it's just how society works. Better looks are often SO desired,  that we don't stop to think what these quick fixes do internally. That's why things like botox, tanning beds, and diet pills exist. None of them are good for the body's true health, but they create a more ideal outer appearance, so we do it.

But what happened to the idea of getting healthy from the inside out? Rather than from the outside in? What about rather than restricting ourselves to unrealistic proportions and hating ourselves when we "cheat," what if we just put healthy things in to nourish our bodies and learn to love who we are at this very point? (Despite the love handles, the cellulite, the rolls, or "problem areas"?) What if we started a revolution of not only embracing our flaws for what they are but loving the journey of working toward a healthier inner lifestyle?

I think I can vouge for most of us when I say that we get a "change" we are excited about and we hold ourselves to such perfection, that when we mess up even a little bit (miss a day of running or eat something besides just veggies) we fall completely off the wagon (drink three cans of pop and eat two donuts) because we're so disappointed in ourselves. It escalates quickly. I've been there. It leads back to the biggest problem - constantly wanting to quickly change the outward appearance, rather than the inner health. Not realizing that it's a process, and in order to be a permanent lifestyle it needs to begin from within. Because if we focus on nourishing our bodies rather than depriving them, it becomes a much different mind set. Rather than "I can't have this, this, this, or that." You can say, "I choose to have this or I want this instead because it's better for my body." When you workout to be healthy and get a good sweat going (in my case, I literally think about kicking Cancers a$$ every time I workout), it's completely different than looking at the numbers on the treadmill - absolutely killing yourself when you've only been on there for 45 seconds and feel like its been 10 minutes, but you stay on until you burn enough calories and can't physically take another step just because you want to be skinny. You aren't going to home after a workout and have lost 10 pounds and I promise you won't magically wake up skinny the next day. But you can wake up to feel a good soreness, and you can leave the gym feeling awesome about improving your physical health.

So what does "healthy" actually mean? Well, there are many definitions that could fit here, but I can tell you that it is NOT cut and dry. It's a journey. There's always going to be someone that you see as being better, skinnier, prettier, faster, bigger, stronger, or further along than you, but comparison is the thief of joy that accomplishment brings. Don't rank your progress based on others. Focus on becoming healthy from the inside out, and try not to let outward appearance fool or defeat you. Health is an outfit that looks different on everyone. Every step toward feeling your best is something to be proud of. Life is too short to restrict yourself, but life is also way too precious to not make your health a huge priority.

Whatever it may be, I challenge you to just begin. Begin a journey toward better health. Do it for you, not because you hate certain things about yourself, but because you love yourselfenough to take care of yourself. It doesn't mean giving up everything you enjoy or always eating salads, it means learning to find balance, and thinking about how what you're doing affects you internally.

Just do it. Begin despite the fears, doubts, or thoughts of failure."Don't do nothing just because you can't do everything." Quit being afraid of letting yourself down and begin knowing that perfection is not the goal, improving internal wellness - is. I promise you, once it is compromised or taken from you, you will wish you have started sooner.

With love and gratitude,

Jessica Lynn

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Hello Beautiful People

I want to first deeply thank you for continuing along with me on this journey!

While the previous blog was incredible for updates, support, fundraising, and sharing my story - I've been longing to share even more with you and provide a resource that combines all aspects of my journey in an easily accessible way.

I've been given the gift of new life by God and I have a burning desire to share it with any and every one who wants to be apart of it. Until this point, I haven't been sure of what my next step would be. Many people have told me to write a book (which is very flattering and I thank you for that). However, after being a full-time chiropractic student, keeping up with therapies, and maintaining a healthy balance in life - there is not a whole lot of room left for the book writing process. Nonetheless, sharing more detailed information is very possible in the form of an informative website, complete with short reads, and easily accessible articles.

The site is geared toward every one, no matter where he or she may be at on his or her health journey. Whether you are wanting a daily pick me up, a healthy recipe to fix your sweet tooth, holistic nutrition advice, information about integrative cancer treatments, or inspiration to turn your fears into faith - my hope is that you can find an abundance of it here.

Please browse the links above and the categories underneath them! When articles are posted here it will not publish as blog posts did before. (By clicking the arrows under each, it will lead you too the sub-category article). So far I've written about my diagnosis in great detail under the "cancer schmancer" link and also posted few of my favorite recipes. My goal is to have all categories filled within the next week so be sure to check them out if you are interested!

Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving

heart, one who looks for the best in other people. Leave people better than you found

them. Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already.

Sending my sincerest appreciation your way,

Jessica Lynn

Grat.i.tude (n):

After years of health issues, diet restrictions, cutting gluten (most of the time), discovering a lactose intolerance, and healing my body of Cancer with a raw vegan diet - I almost forgot what it was like to be able to order ANYthing off the menu at a restaurant.

Café Gratitude in Kansas City is a 100% organic and vegan restaurant that offers it all: {coffee, shakes, cold pressed juice, wine, beer, mixed drinks, breakfast all day, lunch, dinner, and dessert}.

... AKA we ate like champs.

The best thing about this lovely little restaurant is that you can order almost any comfort food you could wish for like French toast, Alfredo, lasagna, nachos, etc.  A lot of the sauces are made from nuts rather than cheeses and the noodles are made from vegetables (probably doesn't sound too tasty to some, but you'd be surprised how good it really is).

We were brought out a sample tray of some pretty serious raw vegan desserts like banana creme pie, strawberry cheesecake, chocolate mousse tarts, and an almond butter Reese's cup. There usually aren't any dessert options for me to choose from when going out, so being able to pick from a tray (full of what would satisfy both my dietary restrictions and my moms sweet tooth) was really fun. We ended up choosing two of the smaller options: a coconut peanut butter clump cookie, and an almond butter chocolate tart, along with some iced coffees.

My favorite part about it all was how every entreé plate asks, "what are you grateful for?" Which really got my mom and I talking..

Today: • I am grateful for this time of pivotal change in my life and to be able to share the beginning of it with such a special person.

•I am grateful for all of you who have joined me on this journey, especially those of you who have supported it even if it doesn't entirely correlate with your belief system.

• I am extremelygrateful for God's amazing grace and His almighty healing power that has rescued me from the fear of death.

• I am grateful for getting to this point of truly feeling what it means to be alive, and to live each day like it could be your last.

Another simple, yet meaningful, piece of gratitude I had today came from true acceptance.

Today was the first time I've worn a strapless dress out somewhere nice in public with my hair back. It seems silly. I never would've thought twice about it before having a port, but it's crazy the amount of random strangers (and even people in my life) who look at my port with uneasy expressions on their faces. I realize most people don't mean to look at it in this way, nor do they probably even know they're doing so, but it happens frequently. It use to make me uneasy as well, very uneasy. But as of lately, I've had a change of heart. I've decided to wear my scars proudly as proof that God heals. I've decided to do ever since I was told something I won't forget,

"Your scars are someone else's hope."

I thought about the advice I would give to someone else in the same situation. And I realized that I would have told them the same thing. I would have told them they should not have any apprehensions about what to wear in order to cover that beautiful battle wound. I would have told them to be proud of who they are and what they fought to become.

I was long overdue for taking my own advice. It takes more energy trying to cover up your flaws than it does to embrace them as apart of the unique and wonderful person you are. And who knows, you might even show someone else that their flaws, scars, and imperfections DO possess beauty - even though they might not see it.

"Shame says because I am flawed I am unacceptable. Grace says that though I am flawed, I

am cherished."

What are you grateful for today?

With love and gratitude,

Jessica Lynn

Dare to Begin

In the past year, I've been living temporarily in many different places.  I went from my college apartment in Iowa City, to the U of I hospital for surgery, to LeMars in order to heal from surgery, to finding out I had Cancer, and then to settling in Omaha temporarily. From that point we went to multiple appointments with many of sleepless nights. Aaron and I made a trip to Mayo in Rochester and spent the drive home discussing the next step. Once we figured out a set-in-stone treatment plan, I moved to Arizona for seven weeks and returned to Omaha to rebuild my new lifestyle. When I had my lifestyle established in Omaha, Lodi and I hit the road at least once a week to take advantage of the ability to travel and go see loved ones. We made several trips to LeMars, Okoboji, Des Moines, and Kansas City.  So I've blogged in many places: in a chair at treatment in Arizona, on the boat in Okoboji, in the car on the way home from treatment in Omaha, and many places in between.  But what makes today special is that this is the first time I am blogging from my new apartment in Overland Park.

Last Friday was a memorable day, as we packed up all my belongings into a U-Haul, and hit the road for Kansas. It was the day that I left 668 S HWS Cleveland Blvd and adopted a new address of my very own.

 The weekend was beyond incredible. I was humbled and in an awe of gratitude to see it all unfold. It was extremely special to know that everyone was taking time away from their own busy schedules to help me feel settled for the first time in a long time. We all busted our butts in the heat to get everything accomplished. Between Target runs, meals on the go, trips up and down the stairs, and putting everything together - we did it. I never could have done it without the help of my parents, Jeremy, Aaron, and Lisa (my personal interior designer). It definitely took all of us to contribute to the big picture.

Saturday night we were welcomed with open arms into the new city by Molly and Toby Scott. They invited us over for a home cooked meal and good company, which is exactly what we needed for a little move-in break. I was greeted with a "KC" gift basket, complete with a some Royals and Chiefs gear, as well as a VERY useful map of the area. It was comforting for all of us to know that there was a little piece of family right down the road.      By Sunday morning, everything was finished and we were able to plop on the couch to take it all in, which was very rewarding.    Finally settled! Now it's time to..   Lisa created a super accommodating blending/juicing station    A beautiful housewarming gift from Pam.   Perhaps my favorite inspirational gift of all time from Aaron my freshman year of college during finals week to make my desk complete. 

Sunday morning I said my bittersweet goodbyes to the people I'd been with almost every day since my diagnosis and said hello to a whole new life that was just beginning. My mom decided to stay and help me get everything settled. Her and I have spent the past five days going to appointments, establishing all therapies, and exploring the new city together.    Perhaps the biggest blessing of all is that this new place accommodates my lifestyle in nearly every way imaginable.

There are many restaurants here with options that I can order straight off the menu without having to be "that girl" who orders just a basic salad. (Even though by now im use to being looked like a crazy person by servers).    The grocery stores here carry a wide variety of products to choose from. Which seems crazy to get excited about, but there weren't even this many options this affordable in Arizona!  

 I stocked up on some probiotic drinks and alkaline water. If you haven't tried KeVita, I highly recommend it!

We've spent the mornings together having cold-brew coffee, reading daily devotionals, and sharing good conversation.

Another side note recommendation pictured below:Chameleon brand cold brew coffee. It is brewed "low and slow" to create a much less acidic coffee and stored in glass bottles to prevent any leaching of chemicals. It tastes much better than any fancy Starbucks drink on the menu (no exaggeration there) when it's mixed with Orgain Unsweetened Vanilla Almond milk + Protein, which makes the coffee extra creamy unlike regular almond milk, and liquid stevia

At night we've taken the time to unwind and soak up the time together. We celebrated National Ice Cream Day with some vanilla bean coconut milk ice cream... I know, I know. It's no Blue Bunny, but it is still delicious! Especially with only one gram of real sugar, and no white, processed or artificial sugars. It's pretty wonderful stuff!

On Tuesday, I had my first IV Vitamin C appointment here in Overland Park. The super positive note of the appointment is that we discovered it is only a three minute drive from my apartment, making treatment days a whole lot easier! Unfortunately, we had some difficulties with my port's blood return. Please say some prayers that it is functioning properly next week to (hopefully) avoid a trip to the ER.

Yesterday marked FOUR months Cancer free. (Yes, I still choose to acknowledge each month.. because why not?) With zero appointments or big things on the to-do list we decided to do a little celebrating by the pool and at Hot Country Nights in the Power & Light District.

This time together with my mom is something so surreal that I will forever cherish.

I am still continuing my Summer classes in order to start Chiropractic school in the fall. Also, I will soon be getting the results back from my CA profile test. While I am anxious, I'm also very hopeful and have complete Trust in the Lord. I know that whatever is in His plan for me next is exactly what I need to let happen. I continue to work on letting go of the desire to plan everything for myself, which has been incredibly freeing thus far.

  Thank you to everyone who has helped me start building the new. I have sheer and utter happiness for life and for the new journey of helping others ahead. God has already placed some new and wonderful people in my life just this week who are in search of help, lost in the face of a diagnosis, and do not know where to turn. Something that they don't even realize is that the conversations we've had have helped me just as much as it has helped them. Which is a beautiful, beautiful thing. And what's even more lovely is that I know this is only the beginning of what is to come.

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Extending my sincere gratitude and love,

Jessica Lynn

668 S HWS Cleveland Blvd

On December 19th, I was taken from my college life without warning. Completely blindsided by the rare and aggressive diagnosis, I didn't know which direction to turn. These people above welcomed me with open arms and loving hearts as I moved into their home.They took me in as one of their own, and that is exactly what I became.

Getting home from treatment on March 24th - CANCER FREE!

Even my darkest moments had so much light in this house, as these little rays of sunshine shared their innocence and genuine joy and also as Lisa and Aaron made every baby step of progress a reason to celebrate.

They embraced my heavy load in a selfless manor and never failed to find ways to gracefully lighten it without me even asking. We shared many late nights and early mornings trying to come up with a plan in the long days following my diagnosis. We found ourselves growing closer through the tears, the laughter, and the chaos. One of the most extremely beautiful gifts I have ever, or will ever receive, is the way that they never (not even once) made me or my situation feel like a burden.

I will never forget my surprise visit from Aaron during one of my roughest "patches" at treatment or having a green juice happy hour with Lisa in my hotel room. They made Arizona feel a little more like home just by being there.

It is hard to leave the comfort of this home, along with all of its security and love. I will, without a doubt, miss mornings waking up to Jude pounding on my bed wanting to make hot tea and reading Lexi books about fairy princesses and "neigh neigh's." I will miss tucking them in, singing the "fast car" song, and never turning down more snuggle time. I will miss being the fifth chair at the dinner table and the nights turned into mornings in the basement.

This time we've had together isn't anything I would've ever dreamed of. It is simply a gift. I never would have done it had I not gotten cancer, but I am so glad that I did. That's one of the best things about the diagnosis, it grants you time that is cherished with the ones you love. It makes you stop and appreciate simple things like waking up to the sound of little feet running on the floor above you, having good conversation, or coming home to a house full of people who are excited to see you.

There isn't anything easy about transitions. It's the bittersweet feeling of not wanting to leave the old, but anticipating the new with excitement and fear. It's hard to take the leap of faith into a new world that might not be as cozy as the old one. You might be forced to put yourself out there and create your own path. Things may not be black and white, in fact, they might be everything but. It might not work out anything like you hoped. But if you never try, you'll never know.

I've learned that there will neverbe the perfect time. There will never be a golden opportunity with zero risk involved. "Sometimes the only available form of transportation is a leap of faith." And that is exactly what I am doing. I've learned anxiety does not come from thinking about what the future holds, but from wanting to control it. I have been taught that lesson, and I still find myself wanting to plan every detail in order to avoid any discomfort. But that is not how God's plan for this life works.

Do I have it all figured out? Not even close. Can I afford to be on my own emotionally, financially, and physically? Probably not entirely.

But I am. I am doing it because I am still here. I am alive. And I am ready to become the doctor of chiropractic who changes people's lives. That vision is what drives me and pushes me beyond the borders of my comfort zone.

Christ has opened up a door for me that no man can ever close. To not challenge myself for growth and development in this life would be crazy. I cannot wait to see where He brings me next or to what heights I will grow, because I know it is going to be beautiful.   

It does not even feel remotely real that tomorrow I am moving to Overland Park, KS to get all settled in before attending Cleveland Chiropractic College in the Fall. I cannot thank Lisa and Aaron for taking me under their wing enough, for my sister Kim and her husband Nick for supporting me and being mentors along my journey, for Jeremy loving me unconditionally, and my parents for always believing in me. I know that you all will continue to be beside me every step of the way, as my biggest cheerleaders and my number one fans. You make me feel like nothing is impossible.

Side note updates:

* Tuesday afternoon I completed what is called a CA Profile test to measure for existing or pre-existing cancers, as an alternative option for a PET scan. I will be eagerly (and anxiously) awaiting the results!! Any prayers would be greatly appreciated!

* This morning Dr. Bob Nilles asked me to speak at a small-group gathering here in Omaha. For some reason, it didn't occur to me until last night that I haven't ever really spoken before, although I've interviewed and done a lot of writing about my journey. It went pretty well and got me very excited about this next step!!

* The more I write, the more I consider writing professionally. I have a lot going on in life right now, but it's definitely something I am considering! Thank you all for your kind words and for sharing my journey. I am in awe as the more and more people it reaches.

XoXo,

Jessica Lynn

Embrace Your Gift

 They say that life isn't about finding yourself it's about creating yourself. Often times we see happiness as a destination that will be reached when we become the "perfect" version of ourselves. (You know, the super fit, extra pretty, wealthy version. With shiny things, a fancy car, a nice butt, and perfect skin). We tend to waste the authentically good moments and blessings envisioning something better in the future. Once we reach the good, we want better. And when we reach the better, we want best. Society shapes us in this way. There's always something bigger, something better. There's always something we don't have. There's always an imperfection we can find that needs to be fixed about ourselves. The opportunity for continual improvement is extremely motivating and while it can be a very healthy form of empowerment, when is enough, enough? When will we finally be satisfied with what we have now rather than what we want in the future? The problem is that (most of us, myself included) fail to give ourselves enough credit. I became extremely aware of this when I got home from treatment. Even if I did 97% of what I was suppose to be doing in my day, I was beating myself up for that 3% thst I wasn't.  I failed to give myself credit for how far I had come. I see this trend in so many people in my own life. No matter if we spend our whole day being wonderful and doing amazing things for other people, we still hate the way our jeans fit or how our hair looks (especially girls). It doesn't matter if we spend an hour on the treadmill and only eat lettuce all day, we still find a way to look at ourselves in the mirror and think about what could be better. I didn't really realize how many insecurities I had in my life. I felt like I was normal, and that's the sad thing... I was. I looked at my body as the last trait I was proud of about myself. I use to dread going to the gym because I had the wrong intentions. I wanted to count the calories burned on the cardio machine and find a quick fix to a dream body. I had an unrealistic daydream that one day I'd hop off that stair stepper and by the time I got home, Id magically have lost 5 lbs. I use to eat according to the food label. A few years ago I  avoided anything with fat, sugar, or carbs even if it meant eating something that was 0 calories and full of artificial ingredients that were harmful to my body. I didn't know what the names of the chemical filled ingredients were, but ate them anyway. "Only 100 calories for this pack of mini Oreos?! Sweet. Bring it on. Actually I'll take 2 and skip lunch." Like what?!! How distorted is that?! But it's where I was at and sadly where a lot of people's heads wander. I feared gaining weight and I tried so hard to lose it. I was constantly making myself miserable. I'd even feel guilty for eating an avocado because it had a lot of fat.

Over the past few years my eating has shifted, but body image was still an issue for me. I wasn't ever happy with the way I looked. I was constantly bloated and uncomfortable (which having four baked potato sized tumors in your body definitely contributes to) but I had such an unhealthy relationship with my scale and my mirror. My mood for the day depended on a number. Id weigh myself every morning before I ate anything or had a sip of coffee, and Id weigh myself AT LEAST two more times throughout the day. I honestly joked with my roommate about how I was excited that having the surgery to remove the tumors would help me lose a little weight. Which is crazy to me to even think that way now.

My journey at Oasis showed me that your body is an amazingly incredible machine. And cancer showed me you only get one of them. The best part about the human body is that it has the ability to heal and the ability to change at anytime. What you put in your body and what you get out of it dictate its function. No man made machine can compare to what God has created for us. I started to view my body in a much healthier light. I still have struggles, but most of that baggage of constantly worrying about my physical appearance has faded drastically. The gratitude I have for a healthy body is endless. Now I workout to kill Cancer. I workout to sweat and release toxins. I don't pay attention to the numbers on the machine and I don't weigh myself afterward. I'm not so hard on myself and I certainly enjoy it a whole lot more. I'm not even close to being the most fit in the gym and that use to really intimidate me, but now it motivates me. I eat to nourish rather than to deplete. And I have no ball park estimate about the amount of calories I eat. But I can guarantee you I count the chemicals.

  I was once asked if it's difficult for me to bite my tongue when I see people eating certain foods or doing unhealthy things, and the answer is no. It doesn't bother me. I've realized that we all have different areas we're strong in, and I use to (and still sometimes) fail to take note that I have areas of strength as well. I've gained tremendous knowledge about health but I'm far from perfect and don't pretend to be. I never want to make anyone feel like what they are doing isn't good enough just because I do things differently. I know what it's like to be discouraged. But being discouraged that I'm not the best in all areas got me no where and made me constantly unhappy with myself, to the point where I didn't even realize it anymore. By no means did I have an eating disorder nor an illness of any sort, but I had what is sadly considered normal. It's something that many people I know also go through. Maybe not with body image but in other areas of life.

  When I got home from treatment, I definitely went through what they call "survivors guilt." I didn't feel worthy and I didn't think my day to day routines were ever good enough. I remember a specific Tuesday. I had done a coffee enema that morning, went to vitamin c therapy, and got tons of organic produce to make juice and prep meals. Although I had been very productive, I got back to Lisa's and broke down. I was exhausting myself. I was doing everything I could, but for some reason I kept telling myself it still wasn't enough. I had such a pressure to be perfect because I was given a tremendously outrageous gift of a second chance at life. The funny thing is that everyone around me was encouraging me and proud of me. I was the only one holding myself to such an unrealistically high standard.

 That day was a turning point for me and I'm still working out the kinks. I don't eat 100% raw, but I'm 100% vegan. I still go out to party because being with a bunch of friends at once talking and laughing is something I enjoy. I don't always drink but there will always be a part of me that loves some vodka every now and then. Regardless of the time or place I will be on the dance floor and I'll more than likely make a fool of myself. I enjoy organic red wine. I attend church and give God praise. Sometimes it brings me to tears. I like to sit on Pinterest for hours finding new recipes and methods of alternative healing. I'm suppose to avoid drinking coffee, but I've found that my ideal morning is to have a cup of coffee and good conversation with someone who means a lot to me. With as spiritual as I am, I don't know how to read the bible. I'm ashamed to admit that and this is the first time I've ever said it aloud. It's something im working on, but it in no way alters my relationship with the Lord. I cry very easily at movies and virtually anything even remotely sad. I hate running. But I'll walk with friends, bike, and even lift weights to pretend like I'm super tough. My point is that everyone's at a different point. No two people are good at the exact same things, have the exact same quirks, desires, dreams, or fears. And it's a beautiful thing to be so different. So now, when I see a trait I don't have, I use it as a source of inspiration and admiration. I look at what I am good at and embrace the areas of life I aspire to improve on.

If I could summarize my purpose of this post in one quote this would be it, I've seen it posted a couple of times and its stuck with me ever since. 

Embrace all sides of who you are. The good, the beautiful, the quirky, the ugly, and the embarrassing. Quit living to ridiculously high standards. Make attainable goals and reward yourself for attacking them like a pro. Compliment other people because it feels good. Let go of people who don't appreciate all that you are. Learn how to lift up someone else without simultaneously tearing yourself down. Whether your idea of health means giving up pop or taking a walk every day or it means running a marathon or becoming a vegetarian, or anything outside of that, be proud of yourself for your personal journey. Pat yourself on the back. Keep moving forward and don't ever look back unless it's in sheer positivity.

Xoxo,

Jessica Lynn